bigsoftbison:

she’s a 10 but she starts riding harder when you say you’re gonna cum

heystephen:

it’s quite actually devastating that you rarely can get physical copies of concert tickets these days. it’s all digital like.. where is the commemorative piece of paper i held in my sweaty little hand all night that i get to bring home and stick in my keepsakes? we are losing some of societies greatest pillars

thirstghosting:

in the US we only have 3 genders. american beauty, american psycho, and american pie

sophie-baybey:

whitepeopletwitter:

jekkies:

my dad, trying to explain the concept of money to me: say you have a sandwich, and i need your sandwich. but i don’t have anything to give you. you’re not just gonna give it to me.

me: i would just give it to you.

my dad:

ptsilenthill:

today this older man came in to get information and then he asked to see the full text on my shirt because he “loved fishing” and when I did he just went silent and said “that’s a new one”

oneheadtoanother:

johnwaynegayscene:

eddiesprincess:

two types of friends

tonysopranobignaturals-deactiva:

“he is not my president” bumper sticker with a picture of some random guy that has never been president

funnytwittertweets:

pjmanxiety:

why do mental disorders come in groups like wasnt one enough why do i gotta have 4